Bedlam – A Dash of Sunny

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I imagined you, standing over me,

breathing your death-breath into my soul.

I imagined my lungs inflating with the ashes of you

and I pressed against my chest to stop inhaling you –

but you were too strong.

You held my gaze,

your hazel eyes piercing mine

and I could see the thoughts in your head –

the roiling, churning black and vomit yellow

and I could not stop them infecting my

azure blue and foxglove purple.

You stole my days

You infused my nights

You were relentless.

I imagined you standing over me

and yet when I reached out for you,

you were not there.


 

It’s time for the latest prompt from A Dash of Sunny, where this week we are invited to write on loss and madness.

It’s no secret here to those who know me, that my dad died suddenly in 2013. I truly thought, during the time of sitting for 12 days, watching him slowly fade from coma to death, that I was going mad. I’m sure I wasn’t alone. It felt so unreal and surreal, and yet everyone at some point loses someone they love. How are we so unable to explain and prepare for this?

Anyway, during that time, and for a period after his death, my dreams were, unsurprisingly, very disturbed. it’s how we process and attempt to make sense of it all.

I hope this isn’t too depressing. Also – I am fine now! It’s just part of life’s rich tapestry, isn’t it?

Please do head on over to A Dash of Sunny and brace yourselves for strong, honest writing!

18 thoughts on “Bedlam – A Dash of Sunny

  1. Oh, ❤️💜 this is such a beautifully raw and emotive write, Freya. I am so sorry to hear about your father and can imagine your pain..😢 its evident in the lines “I imagined you standing over me and yet when I reached out for you, you were not there”.. sigh.. our loved ones have moved on to a better place.. and one day we shall be reunited. Beautifully executed. Thank you so much for participating at Prompt Nights and for your constant love and support ❤️💜

    Lots of love,
    Sanaa

  2. This is so vividly written, from the terror and horror at the beginning to the last two lines which are so poignant for the feeling of loss despite the nightmares that preceded it.

  3. Not depressing at all – a very honest and powerful poem. Madness can seem like a presence which lingers. Sometimes more present than others but when it takes a hold it is terrifying.. i am glad you feel better – although it’s ok not to be

  4. You ask an important question, Freya. “How are we so unable to explain and prepare for this?” Even as we see our loved one slowly depart, it is difficult to deal with end. And tortured dreams and madness ensue as we grapple with grief. Very intense and beautifully written piece.

  5. An intense and moving poem; losing someone is never easy and sometimes our grief takes us on some perilous journeys. I appreciate and relate to your words from having had losses of my own.

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