I imagined you, standing over me,
breathing your death-breath into my soul.
I imagined my lungs inflating with the ashes of you
and I pressed against my chest to stop inhaling you –
but you were too strong.
You held my gaze,
your hazel eyes piercing mine
and I could see the thoughts in your head –
the roiling, churning black and vomit yellow
and I could not stop them infecting my
azure blue and foxglove purple.
You stole my days
You infused my nights
You were relentless.
I imagined you standing over me
and yet when I reached out for you,
you were not there.
It’s time for the latest prompt from A Dash of Sunny, where this week we are invited to write on loss and madness.
It’s no secret here to those who know me, that my dad died suddenly in 2013. I truly thought, during the time of sitting for 12 days, watching him slowly fade from coma to death, that I was going mad. I’m sure I wasn’t alone. It felt so unreal and surreal, and yet everyone at some point loses someone they love. How are we so unable to explain and prepare for this?
Anyway, during that time, and for a period after his death, my dreams were, unsurprisingly, very disturbed. it’s how we process and attempt to make sense of it all.
I hope this isn’t too depressing. Also – I am fine now! It’s just part of life’s rich tapestry, isn’t it?
Please do head on over to A Dash of Sunny and brace yourselves for strong, honest writing!
Freya Writes... 
Not too depressing at all. Very honest and true feelings. We just are never prepared no matter that we think we are handling it. It takes times! Thanks for a raw, honest poem
Thank you so much.
Oh, ❤️💜 this is such a beautifully raw and emotive write, Freya. I am so sorry to hear about your father and can imagine your pain..😢 its evident in the lines “I imagined you standing over me and yet when I reached out for you, you were not there”.. sigh.. our loved ones have moved on to a better place.. and one day we shall be reunited. Beautifully executed. Thank you so much for participating at Prompt Nights and for your constant love and support ❤️💜
Lots of love,
Sanaa
Thank you, Sanaa.
Such intensity, Freya. I can feel the desperation and disgust of the speaker.
Thank you, Magaly.
This is so vividly written, from the terror and horror at the beginning to the last two lines which are so poignant for the feeling of loss despite the nightmares that preceded it.
Thank you, Rommy.
How often in a dream do we find that we are still alone. How beautifully you wrote this Freya.
Thank you, Old Egg.
Emotionally one can be taken up by events that press on matters pertaining to loved ones. It can be a portent effect as it they are near enough to cry over. Glad things are ok now!
Hank
Thank you, Hank.
Not depressing at all – a very honest and powerful poem. Madness can seem like a presence which lingers. Sometimes more present than others but when it takes a hold it is terrifying.. i am glad you feel better – although it’s ok not to be
It is indeed OK not to be… but at the time it doesn’t feel like that! Thank you, Jae Rose.
You ask an important question, Freya. “How are we so unable to explain and prepare for this?” Even as we see our loved one slowly depart, it is difficult to deal with end. And tortured dreams and madness ensue as we grapple with grief. Very intense and beautifully written piece.
Thank you so much, Khaya.
An intense and moving poem; losing someone is never easy and sometimes our grief takes us on some perilous journeys. I appreciate and relate to your words from having had losses of my own.
Thank you so much. I’m sorry for your losses x