because I held on too long to what happened before
because I thought too much about maintaining the status quo
of the good times now
because I didn’t want to rock the boat
because I couldn’t bear for you to shout at me again
(a rare thing
just one time
but that was more than enough)
because I didn’t feel like the daughter
and you didn’t (know how to) behave like the dad
because I wanted to bask in your sunshine
like a satisfied seal on summer-heated rocks
now you’re gone and I can never ask you –
and I only have the echo of your voice
in the cavernous shadows of my mind
and I only have your smile
slightly faded now, in my eye
because of all of this and so much more –
I ask questions
I seek answers
a hard lesson, cruelly earned.
Our prompt this week is to think and write about mistakes we have made – have we learned from them? Did they have a silver lining? Were they the worst thing ever, even with the clarity of hindsight?
I wasn’t going to take part – not because I couldn’t think of anyhting to write, but because I damn well could, and some days, I am filled with ‘if only’ and ‘what if I..?’. You know. But I grabbed the thorny rose and I am glad I did. It’s cathartic. And I know the lovely dVerse community will be equally as honest – and that’s a comfort to me, to know that we’re all just human and none of us perfect.
Can I encourage you once again to open the door of the dVerse Poets’ Pub and stop by for a drink, a natter and a read? Maybe write your own thoughts down and share them too? We don’t bite – well, only if asked 😉