because I held on too long to what happened before
because I thought too much about maintaining the status quo
of the good times now
because I didn’t want to rock the boat
because I couldn’t bear for you to shout at me again
(a rare thing
just one time
but that was more than enough)
because I didn’t feel like the daughter
and you didn’t (know how to) behave like the dad
because I wanted to bask in your sunshine
like a satisfied seal on summer-heated rocks
now you’re gone and I can never ask you –
and I only have the echo of your voice
in the cavernous shadows of my mind
and I only have your smile
slightly faded now, in my eye
because of all of this and so much more –
I ask questions
I seek answers
a hard lesson, cruelly earned.
dVerse Poetics this week is hosted by guest host CC, who blogs here.
Our prompt this week is to think and write about mistakes we have made – have we learned from them? Did they have a silver lining? Were they the worst thing ever, even with the clarity of hindsight?
I wasn’t going to take part – not because I couldn’t think of anyhting to write, but because I damn well could, and some days, I am filled with ‘if only’ and ‘what if I..?’. You know. But I grabbed the thorny rose and I am glad I did. It’s cathartic. And I know the lovely dVerse community will be equally as honest – and that’s a comfort to me, to know that we’re all just human and none of us perfect.
Can I encourage you once again to open the door of the dVerse Poets’ Pub and stop by for a drink, a natter and a read? Maybe write your own thoughts down and share them too? We don’t bite – well, only if asked 😉