Oasis – A Dash of Sunny

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The chance to just ‘be’

with my thoughts

with my hopes

with my dreams

yes, even my fears

is a need, a must, an ‘I can’t do without’.

Company drains me, if it’s not what fits

as a long-lost jigsaw piece completing the picture of me.

I am a square peg in the round hole of life

unless (and until) I can claim my solitude

until I can meditate on my island

until I can breathe in

until I can breathe out

and feel whole again.


 

Over on A Dash of Sunny, we are invited to express ourselves on solitude. Do we need it? Do we hate our own company? How do we feel?

I don’t think I beat about the bush on this – how about you?

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Bedlam – A Dash of Sunny

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I imagined you, standing over me,

breathing your death-breath into my soul.

I imagined my lungs inflating with the ashes of you

and I pressed against my chest to stop inhaling you –

but you were too strong.

You held my gaze,

your hazel eyes piercing mine

and I could see the thoughts in your head –

the roiling, churning black and vomit yellow

and I could not stop them infecting my

azure blue and foxglove purple.

You stole my days

You infused my nights

You were relentless.

I imagined you standing over me

and yet when I reached out for you,

you were not there.


 

It’s time for the latest prompt from A Dash of Sunny, where this week we are invited to write on loss and madness.

It’s no secret here to those who know me, that my dad died suddenly in 2013. I truly thought, during the time of sitting for 12 days, watching him slowly fade from coma to death, that I was going mad. I’m sure I wasn’t alone. It felt so unreal and surreal, and yet everyone at some point loses someone they love. How are we so unable to explain and prepare for this?

Anyway, during that time, and for a period after his death, my dreams were, unsurprisingly, very disturbed. it’s how we process and attempt to make sense of it all.

I hope this isn’t too depressing. Also – I am fine now! It’s just part of life’s rich tapestry, isn’t it?

Please do head on over to A Dash of Sunny and brace yourselves for strong, honest writing!

Identity – A Dash of Sunny

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I’m taking a breather from

the emails

the documents

the deadlines

the treadmill of files

the Escher-like never ending work mountain.

I’m taking a breather from

the headache

that sits like a heavy, black dog

inside my head.

I’m taking a breather – dammit.

I’m listening to music in the sunlight outside,

pushing obligations to one side,

just for a few moments.

I close my eyes, and breathe…

And then, there he is –

“Excuse me, Miss, my name’s Marcus”

I look into his eyes,

see the worry lines creasing his forehead,

the hesitant, apologetic half-smile

hovering around his mouth.

“I’m scared. I’ve nowhere to stay tonight.

I’m scared.”

I’m taking a breather…

He cannot.

We chat for a bit, I tell him my name in return,

I give him some money (that I really won’t miss)

and wish him well

and mean it.

I did nothing really,

except…

give him some time

give him my attention

give him my name

give him recognition

give him humanity.

He gave me peace.


 

It’s time for the weekly prompt from A Dash of Sunny where we are invited to write about something that is important to us. This mish-mash of a poem isn’t a work of fiction, Marcus really did enter into my world for a few minutes during Thursday last week.

I didn’t do anything earth-shattering. We just spoke for a while, like people do. The trouble is, too often homeless people are ignored by the rest of us. I can’t imagine the amount of bravery it takes to ask a stranger for help. The cynical part of me does sometimes question what any money I might give will be spent on, but really, who am I to judge, if it helps that person get through another day with no place to call home?

He gave me more than he imagined, in any case. He took me far away from the concerns of work, and on that particular day, it was a blessing. Thank you, Marcus.