Bedlam – A Dash of Sunny

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I imagined you, standing over me,

breathing your death-breath into my soul.

I imagined my lungs inflating with the ashes of you

and I pressed against my chest to stop inhaling you –

but you were too strong.

You held my gaze,

your hazel eyes piercing mine

and I could see the thoughts in your head –

the roiling, churning black and vomit yellow

and I could not stop them infecting my

azure blue and foxglove purple.

You stole my days

You infused my nights

You were relentless.

I imagined you standing over me

and yet when I reached out for you,

you were not there.


 

It’s time for the latest prompt from A Dash of Sunny, where this week we are invited to write on loss and madness.

It’s no secret here to those who know me, that my dad died suddenly in 2013. I truly thought, during the time of sitting for 12 days, watching him slowly fade from coma to death, that I was going mad. I’m sure I wasn’t alone. It felt so unreal and surreal, and yet everyone at some point loses someone they love. How are we so unable to explain and prepare for this?

Anyway, during that time, and for a period after his death, my dreams were, unsurprisingly, very disturbed. it’s how we process and attempt to make sense of it all.

I hope this isn’t too depressing. Also – I am fine now! It’s just part of life’s rich tapestry, isn’t it?

Please do head on over to A Dash of Sunny and brace yourselves for strong, honest writing!

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The times they are a-changin’ – dVerse Haibun Monday

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Stupid as it sounds, I never imagined my life without Dad. He and I didn’t have the easiest of relationships. As a little girl, I desperately wanted his presence, wanted him to notice me, wanted him there, with me. So, stupid as it sounds, his absence then felt like a presence, even though his actual presence was erratic and intermittent. We didn’t see each other, didn’t contact each other for many years. Oh, I kept track of him for most of that time, via the wonders of the internet. And then, the London bombings happened near to where he worked, and that was my wake-up call. Life is too short. Oh, how prescient was that thought, for what was too short a time after that, he died. I never imagined what that would feel like, how angry, desolate, lost, hurt, devastated I would feel. I have healed, as we all do, but he is there, in my mind, every day. He is once again absent, this time permanently gone, but always with me.

Leaves turn, green to gold

seasons change, nature gives birth –

death to life once more.


 

It’s Haibun Monday over on dVerse and we are asked to write our haibun on the subject of change, including a nature-based haiku to wrap up our piece.

I write not infrequently about my dad – he’s in my thoughts every day. It’s a strange thing, I never imagining him being gone, given that he was absent for so much of my life. Oddly, my mum and step-dad, my supporters, my cheerleaders, my safe harbours who have seen me through good times and bad – well, I do think of what it will be like when they are no longer here (gosh, that sounds morbid, it’s not meant to!). My mum did say to me, not long after my dad died, that her own mum was in her thoughts every day, even though she died when my mum was a little girl. I truly understand that. It’s not a conscious thought, it just is.

Anyway, I’m sure that everyone else who takes part tonight will approach this theme in their own unique way. Please do head on over to dVerse to enjoy the creativity!

Back to Basics – dVerse Form for All

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Rabbie Burns fell upon his sword they say

But I knew he was pitchforking hay

Literally, I took their words

Because he had only wanted herbs.

 

Herbs to make his food more savoury

For he was sick of bread and gravy

But bread it is the staff of life

Saving the stomach from hungry strife

 

He had eschewed his wife’s basic meal

Then worked on the farm, his void purse to heal

He dropped down dead, empty and vague

All for his obsession with parsley and sage.


 

Oh, Form for All, how I enjoy you! Here’s my thought process.

“Dammit, it’s 8pm (here in the UK), I’ve not long got home from work, I’m tired, I just want to put my feet up… Noo! dVerse! Why do I have to work out how t write a new poetry form? Why isn’t it Open Link Night?… Hmm, I could have some fun with this… Oh! I have an idea…!”

Tonight over on dVerse, Gayle has invited us to write a Clerihew. As Gayle explains ‘A Clerihew is a comic verse on biographical topics consisting of two couplets and a specific rhyming scheme of aabb that was invented by Edmund Clerihew Bentley (1875-1956) at the age of 16.’

I hope you enjoy my attempt – I have no idea where the story came from (not unusual, to be honest)!

Why not have a go yourself? It’s fun!

** Gayle kindly pointed out I forgot to include the name of a famous person in the first line of my poem… So I have used Rabbie Burns, the Scottish poet who was the son of a farmer. Thank you, Gayle!