Here’s my latest entry into the dVerse Open Link – why not take a look at all of the other wonderful responses?
Please don’t panic – despite the tone of the poem, it isn’t a reflection of how I feel. Offline, I am writing dystopian fiction, so I was pondering how a particular set of characters might feel in this world that I have created for them. This piece came from there, nowhere else.
Let me know what you think…
*****
– Rubicon –
Render me empty,
Sackclothed and dull
Darker than ditchwater
Coated in oil, rainbow-hued surface
Hidden depths that boil,
As I blunder, lamed, from crisis to fall
Render me empty
Sackclothed and dull
Render me hollow,
Empty my skull
Vacuous, ransacked
Littered with spoil, nutrients stolen
My still waters roil
As I falter, blinded, beleaguered, I fall
Render me hollow,
Empty my skull
Render me soulless,
Eviscerated, null
Grey, empty, mourning
Exhausted with toil, eyes bloodshot red
From life, I recoil
As I stumble, burdened and buried, I fall
Render me soulless
Eviscerated, null
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This seems to me to evoke its opposite as I read! Strong imagery, powerful repetition – I do not take it at face value.
How lovely to read such a different interpretation – thank you 🙂
I see a lot of November hardships when I read this.. but maybe it’s my own hardsjips your poem reflect.. loved the repetitions.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing hardships… I’m glad you enjoyed my piece though – and don’t identify with it too much, please!
Well, yes, can’t say I like it, but it does grip one. I would prefer the u- but am impressed with your phraseology.
Thank you, Aprille. I was a little shocked at the dark, dark tone myself… Clearly something needed to get out! 🙂
I really was enamored by this poem. Well structured and interesting language. It seems very sure of itself in intent and creativity. >KB
Thank you! Perhaps I was possessed… I quite enjoyed it though, even though it was very, very dark….
whew….vivid piece…and def full of feeling and grit…i feel the pain a bit…def not there…but had a rather disappointing day today…
Oh dear, I hope it wasn’t as disappointing as this piece was dark! I hope today was full of sunshine for you 🙂
A cool piece!
Thank you, Ayala!
The repetition in the opening line of each stanza works great here. Lovely rhythm!
Best,
Ana
Thank you so much, Ana – and thank you for following my blog too 🙂
I like it. Would love to read the work that inspired it! Well done!
Thank you! It’s in the pipeline… 🙂