Below is my offering for week 85′s challenge word, which is ‘fly’. As you will see from the relevant blog post, the challenge is to write between 33 and 333 words of fiction, non-fiction, poetry or prose, based on the 3rd definition from the Merriam Webster’s Online Dictionary. This week the 3rd definition of ‘fly’ is:
3a : to move, pass, or spread quickly
b : to be moved with sudden extreme emotion
c : to seem to pass quickly
– See more at: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2013/07/trifecta-week-eighty-five.html#sthash.LaFyPCNs.dpuf
Here’s my offering below – I hope you like it! Please check here for the other entries!
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– Kriah –
I will give wings to my rage and let it fly.
I will shout, scream and vent my pain –
in silence.
The sounds in my head will deafen me,
drowning out the joy of you.
This is not what you want
for me.
Freya Writes... 
Love the tension and pain in this.. And is there a threat at the end?
Hmmm, that wasn’t my intention, but I love the fact that you read it that way! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I like how the last two lines alter the perspective and softens the whole piece. Such pain and anger is usually not what the deceased would want us to feel and express.
I also found that the reference to silence and the sounds in the poet’s head are both powerful and heart-wrenching – and so true.
Yes, the phrase ‘he/she wouldn’t want you to….’ comes to mind. As for noise in the head – that’s where most of my noise comes from, and yet it is silent – nobody else can hear it. The silence is in fact, deafening.
I’m glad you decided to go short. Very nice use of the prompt. 😀
Interesting you title this Kriah and have the speaker do exactly the opposite of the Kriah. Performing the first two lines in silence, when Kriah gives mourners permission to express their loss by all of those expressions. And how the sounds in speaker’s head drown out the joy and love when with Kriah the theory is that the living’s love will over time grow stronger for the deceased.
Sorry for the mini deconstruction.
No need to apologise – I love reading what others take from my writing!
I think Kriah is something that has to take time to do what is intended, especially if you are British, where the stiff upper lip is something that is often instilled in us…
I agree you with the British stiff upper lip. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and working with several folks from Britain. However even with that stiff upper lip everyone I’ve met has a wicked sense of humor. So, I’d say that stiff upper lip is just for show. You can actually say the same thing about us crazy, uptight Americans.
I’m pleased that your experience with us Brits has been a positive one! Yes, the stiff upper lip hides a great deal of what lies beneath, which I’m sure is the same of you all across the ocean!
You really convey the pain and struggle with these few words. Very strong piece!
Thank you, Mommy Dourest.
Beautifully written! Love the strength and the angst in this. Well done!
Thank you, Suzanne.
I try hard not to pretend to know everything about everything. I had no idea what Kriah meant before looking it up just a few moments ago. But now that I know it is a Jewish mourning ritual, I feel I am better qualified to comment on your poem. I think you have done an excellent job of dealing with mourning, while introducing us to the traditions and emotions of the Kriah. I love the opening line of giving wings to your rage. To have conveyed so many feelings of the heart and soul in so very few words is incredible.
Thank you so much for your comments, Cobbie’s World. I’m also pleased that my offering has helped you learn something new.
I wasn’t familiar with what Kriah meant and so didn’t read this fully until I did a Google search. I’m glad I did because it added another layer to your poem.
The second line, filled with such pain and yet dignity (suffering grief in silence) really hit home for me.
You’ve written the emotion into this very well, Freya. I felt every line.
Thank you, Jo-Anne. Sometimes, using few words can be more effective, not to mention concentrated.
I know all about the deafening sounds in the head.
That last line comes and goes for me. I like that it’s the ending.
Connection made. Nicely put.
Thank you, KimmInBarcelona, I’m glad it worked for you.
I love the juxtaposition of the first two lines against the third. Very descriptive!
Thank you, Bryan.
You have such a gift for sliding your reader right to the core of emotion. This deceptively simple poem is so deep and raw and powerful.
Hi kallanannie, thank you so much for your comments, they mean a great deal. Sometimes, only a few words are necessary, and are all that can be written.
well, there’s not much that I can add that hasn’t already been said in the above comments, so I’ll just let you know that there was another person that you educated and entranced. That last line really hit me.
Thank you, I’m so pleased to have entranced you!
This is a very emotional and intense poem, on many levels, and also filled with insight…the last two lines, especially.
xoxo
Thank you, Lorri.
Moving on is difficult…