Here’s my latest entry into the dVerse Form for All – why not take a look at everyone else’s wonderful responses?
This piece was inspired by my journey home from work this evening – after a particularly long and tiring day at work. I literally squeezed every ounce out of what was left of my mental energy today to produce this rondeau – the first that I have ever knowingly written! I hope you enjoy it.
46 thoughts on “Destination – dVerse Form for All – the Rondeau”
Oh the rolling train works so well with the rondeau.. a wonderful story told.
Thank you so much, Bjorn. I really enjoyed your piece in the dVerse blog post last night.
Your words made me rest my head on my hands and sigh with pleasure. Lovely perfect write.
Thank you, Anna – what a lovely picture. I am honoured that something that I have written could have that effect 🙂
I’m purring with pleasure, Freya; this is wonderful. The use of near/slant rhymes disguises the form and gives extra flexibility to it. It’s hard to believe you’ve never written the rondeau form before … smiles
Thank you, Tony! I had to read that comment aloud to my best friend, I was so pleased! Purring with pleasure… lovely 🙂
Maybe you should only write when exhausted; with fatigue as muse, you harnessed the form, & wrote the perfect commuter’s rondeau; very impressive; thanks.
Fatigue as my muse… what an intriguing thought. It is odd though – I do seem to work best under pressure, whether from tiredness or an achingly tight deadline! Thank you so much, Glenn.
like formless sacks….smiles…i can easily see everyone on the train after a hard day…its interesting the intimacy, a tight space yet still so much space between us…i like how this does not feel like form….you did very well with it…
I’m glad the descriptions worked for you – it is how it is, especially on the 19.26 from London Bridge….. Thank you for the encouragement!
You chose a good refrain, as the train rolls ~ Lovely rondeau & if this is your first, congrats ~ 🙂
Thank you 🙂
Rolling like a train – this rondeau just is perfectly done! I enjoyed this so much!
Thank you, Shanyn! 🙂
Lovely, lovely! Rolling trains are wonderful subjects, and your visuals emphasize that.
Thank you, Lorri 🙂
Freya, you never cease to amaze me with your poetry. Great rondeau!
Wow! Thank you, Bryan! 🙂
I know this feeling well 😊
It’s unique to millions…. 😉
I do enjoy the opportunity to stare – I mean observe, my fellow travellers… 🙂
I can visualize it all.
First – a great refrain here– the repetition is like the train rolling, and your choice of rhymes is very creative and not hackneyed– all works so well, and describes that kind of fatigue depression of the endless slog of it all! Uplifting in that! Thanks. k.
Thank you! There’s nothing quite like that end of day fatigue… I actually love my train journeys – even if I am dog-tired at the end of the day. They really are ‘my’ time!
The train is a perfect vehicle (corny pun intended) for our mutual isolation from each other as we pass along through life. Excellent work!
Great pun 🙂
Where else would we ‘choose’ to be so close to strangers, and yet be so introspective?!
Well, Freya, girl, if you can write like this when you are worn out after a day’s hard work, world look out for when you are at your best!
This is amazingly good, both the soul and the execution. Chapeau!
Thank you, Aprille! I’m so glad I made use of my journey last night! 🙂
Love your your page, great work!
Thank you so much!
Very nicely done! the rhythm and flow is excellent. Nice positioning of just the right words. The imagery is very good as well. Well done!
Thank you so much for your lovely comments – very much appreciated!
And so goes life….well done Freya!
Indeed it does – thank you!
The refrain works so well and the poem just rolls..congrats as this form can be difficult as I know.
Thank you – yes, it was indeed a challenge to get the feel I wanted, and put the correct rhymes in the right places. (Some whispered swear words were indulged in, once or twice!).
Your rhythm replicates the motion of the train–even to the slowing down when you come to the refrain. Also, great depiction of the everyday train experience. Very nice, Freya.
Thank you! I wasn’t expecting it to work so well, as I was a bit desperate for inspiration – definitely a case of writing about what you know!
Been there! You capture it well.
Thank you 🙂
I who have been riding commuter trains lately–tho not a commuter myself–have seen this phenomenon. I like how you have made this form roll with it so it seems the form was only made for this experience. Lovely!
Thank you, Susan. Yes, I think I was lucky to find this daily event fitting the form so well – a happy accident!
Enjoyed the read here and felt like I was on the train. Well done.
Thank you, Sharon 🙂
Sinking bodies, fall, collapse
On threadbare seats, like formless sacks
My favorite lines in this so-descriptive rondeau that had the rhythm of the train itself. I saw your comment elsewhere that you are hooked on the form……and it resonated because I am too!
I’m so pleased you enjoyed it – and I always like to hear of readers’ favourite lines! It’s an addictive form, isn’t it! 🙂