Destination – dVerse Form for All – the Rondeau

Here’s my latest entry into the dVerse Form for All – why not take a look at everyone else’s wonderful responses?

This piece was inspired by my journey home from work this evening – after a particularly long and tiring day at work. I literally squeezed every ounce out of what was left of my mental energy today to produce this rondeau – the first that I have ever knowingly written!  I hope you enjoy it.

*****

– Destination –

As the train rolls along the tracks
Its rhythm soothes, bids us relax
Our aching souls, our weary minds
That chew on cares enough to bind
Our beating hearts, encased in wax.

With no real love, spirits contract
Hands of friendship are pulled back
Metal-clad world, we are confined
As the train rolls

Sinking bodies, fall, collapse
On threadbare seats, like formless sacks
Smiling in sleep, we bring to mind
Our joys and hopes, bright pleasures find
The tunnel’s end brings light, perhaps
As the train rolls

46 thoughts on “Destination – dVerse Form for All – the Rondeau

  1. I’m purring with pleasure, Freya; this is wonderful. The use of near/slant rhymes disguises the form and gives extra flexibility to it. It’s hard to believe you’ve never written the rondeau form before … smiles

  2. Maybe you should only write when exhausted; with fatigue as muse, you harnessed the form, & wrote the perfect commuter’s rondeau; very impressive; thanks.

    1. Fatigue as my muse… what an intriguing thought. It is odd though – I do seem to work best under pressure, whether from tiredness or an achingly tight deadline! Thank you so much, Glenn.

  3. like formless sacks….smiles…i can easily see everyone on the train after a hard day…its interesting the intimacy, a tight space yet still so much space between us…i like how this does not feel like form….you did very well with it…

  4. First – a great refrain here– the repetition is like the train rolling, and your choice of rhymes is very creative and not hackneyed– all works so well, and describes that kind of fatigue depression of the endless slog of it all! Uplifting in that! Thanks. k.

  5. Well, Freya, girl, if you can write like this when you are worn out after a day’s hard work, world look out for when you are at your best!
    This is amazingly good, both the soul and the execution. Chapeau!

  6. Your rhythm replicates the motion of the train–even to the slowing down when you come to the refrain. Also, great depiction of the everyday train experience. Very nice, Freya.

  7. I who have been riding commuter trains lately–tho not a commuter myself–have seen this phenomenon. I like how you have made this form roll with it so it seems the form was only made for this experience. Lovely!

  8. Sinking bodies, fall, collapse
    On threadbare seats, like formless sacks

    My favorite lines in this so-descriptive rondeau that had the rhythm of the train itself. I saw your comment elsewhere that you are hooked on the form……and it resonated because I am too!

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