Projection – dVerse

anais-1

i blamed it on you

all the less-important-than

all the i’m-not-good-enough-for

sometimes it’s easier than –

easier than – owning it myself.

No, being honest, not just sometimes.

always.

I stared balefully at you whilst you were lying there

almost-but-not-quite hating you from the depths of my F-d up love

for doing it again (again)

for leaving without so much as a goodbye

– this time

the one where there’s no turning back.

It wasn’t you though.

You didn’t put those thoughts in my head,

it was my internal compass seeking magnetic north

and finding south –

as per.

So, I own my thoughts now

they’re mine.

All mine.

You’re pretty much off the hook, as you should have been from the beginning.


 

I’m a bit late to the party of the final day of the dVerse 5th anniversary celebrations, but hopefully better late than never!

We have the joy of an interview with Anthony Desmond, get to read one of his great poems and are encouraged to write on the subject of a belief that we have realised is no longer true, or our feelings when pressured to change our minds. Quite a subject!

Here’s my offering, I hope you find it interesting. Catharsis is the order of the day at the moment.

Please do head on over to dVerse to read the interview with Anthony, read the poetry created by the talented dVerse bunch and… why not have a go yourself?

 

 

17 thoughts on “Projection – dVerse

  1. Oh goodness..
    the Love of give
    and take.. the rule
    of yes dear.. has always
    worked for me.. smiles..
    i even used
    to let the
    wife lightly
    beat me..
    thank
    God
    she’s
    small..
    she finally
    got accustomed
    to my ADHD and
    no longer gives me
    those love pats
    to get
    my
    lala
    land attention..
    i was unconditionally
    Loved big time as a child..
    perhaps too much.. my wife
    experienced the opposite yes..
    but i realize the gift i have and
    the gift she doesn’t.. so she gets
    miles and miles of slack from me
    ’cause the world ain’t fair and Love
    is always the best way in fearless way
    for those with the capacity to do it.. but
    so many valid reasons why folks can’t..
    i try to understand.. tolerate.. and even
    accept
    the daRkest
    holes of human
    potential.. a gift
    perhaps THEN..
    for 66 months..
    a temporary
    trip to the same
    place that i only
    saw the outside
    view for years
    and years..
    Love
    is the
    only
    gift
    of believe
    worth living for
    me.. so sad for
    those who do not
    have the nurture or
    nature to feel or give
    REAL HUMAN LOVE AS
    THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL
    that’s real and TOTALLY FREE TO
    give and
    share now..
    i can say for
    sure some folks
    never experience
    it and some folks
    always experience
    it like my mother..
    what a gift
    a mother
    like that
    can be..
    but the years
    can even take a
    toil on the greatest of Love saints..
    the neighborhood kids with salty
    parents used to come visit..
    just to see her smile..
    and hear
    her
    loving
    soprano
    voice..
    i suppose
    that is why
    i am a nurturer..
    no matter how
    rough and tough i look
    on the outside of a heart that sings..
    my mother’s wings.. have a great day.. freya..:)

    1. Your mother sounds absolutely wonderful – and such a safe harbour to grow from. My dad didn’t have that gentle supportive start to life, so his absence more than presence was a result of that. It has taken me a long, long, long time to understand that and give him the slack. I am a nurturer too, sometimes to much, and then I reign it in drastically when I feel overworked by the giving.
      Thank you as always for your comments, I love learning about you in such a poetic way. You are unique (of course)!

      1. Oh wow.. didn’t realize the story was actually
        about you and your Dad.. you seem like you
        have it so together it’s hard to imagine you’ve
        having any problems like that freya.. but truly
        it is our challenges that make us who we are and
        i think most everyone has a story to share and that is
        what is the best about poetry.. as it deepens our cognitive
        empathy for the human condition.. and ha!.. being on the
        Autism Spectrum with a lifelong condition of reasonably
        controlled bi-polar condition most of that life with no
        drugs does make me unique my friend.. inherently..
        i got the Asperger’s from my Dad
        who was the spitting image
        of what you write of
        your Dad here..
        and the EXTREMELY
        happy side from my mother..
        but she never really had the
        periods of dark depression i
        experience in life.. anyway..
        today is the 19th anniversary
        of the death of my only child and
        to put the relationship of my father
        and i in a ‘nut’ shell in the waiting room
        of the open heart surgery procedure.. for
        my child before he later died in my arms this
        day 19 years ago.. my father said.. (and it was
        pretty obvious our child who lived 51 days wasn’t
        gonna make it from the get go.. medicine kept him
        in suffering in pain for all those days) anyway.. my
        father said.. “Make sure you raise him like a man”..
        as my father a 46 year law enforcement veteran
        left at three.. ’cause my mother didn’t wanna
        go to work and wanted to be the
        stay at home mom.. so i was
        raised with all women..
        and never got that
        bow up spine as
        they say
        in the
        ‘red neck’
        red state panhandle
        of Florida where i live..
        well.. i eventually developed
        it when i learned to be my own
        father.. and that seems to be a common
        archetype of the so-called ‘super hero’ theme..
        even in the movies… where the super masculine
        male marries the super masculine female as in the
        case of my father and mother.. and the boy is left
        in the care of a distant land in a weaker place
        than what he would be in a village that
        had both masculine and feminine
        influence for balance..
        dark struggle
        comes.. then..
        and eventually
        love lives with fearless
        too.. and the once timid
        Clark Kent.. Dr. Jekyll or
        Bruce Wayne changes into
        something else when they finally
        escape the cocoon and are reborn
        to come into their more full human potential…
        i have to say that the Jungian archetypes
        are valid.. and sure it seems i have
        gone beyond them in some
        ways.. hehe.. and that is
        just my access to
        all of cultures
        through all
        of history
        to select
        the parts i like
        and make that
        Fred culture.. haha..
        anyway.. a link to “kiss your
        baby goodbye”.. a tear jerker
        ‘they said’.. but it was just the
        literal truth.. in my life.. reality
        has been much more unique than
        any movie.. i have ever seen.. and the
        high part is amazing.. but oh my God.. the
        dark parts.. were beyond scary.. beyond
        Friday the 13th..
        beyond
        even
        hell..
        Heaven is great..
        i kiss life my friend
        all for free.. just ’cause
        i can with all my might..
        hehe.. hercules
        of
        soul..
        i’LL be..
        i
        AM
        just
        as
        i can..
        and WiLL..
        with fearless LOVE..:)

        https://katiemiafrederick.com/2015/06/25/kiss-your-baby-goodbye/

      2. I have it together… well, sometimes! I guess, through learning and accepting my own inconsistencies and frailties. Knowing them and accepting them can be a very different experience though!
        I am so sorry that you lost your son, I can’t imagine how that must feel, as I have no children of my own. You have experienced so, so much and still seem to have such a drive to extract as much out of life as possible. Perhaps that’s why… in some ways, I know how that feels, but for entirely different reasons. Thank you x

  2. Smiles. The one that should have been tossed back at first,but sounds like made their way back out to the pond. That does not sound like a bad turn at all. These times teach us though…perhaps to love better the next time…or learn to love ourselves enough not to get into these situation again

  3. That projection is very much a blame game. It is easy to blame everyone except ourselves and admitting this, takes a lot of maturity and grace.

    Thanks for joining us Freya and wishing you happy weekend. See you Monday (hopefully) for our Haibun Monday.

    1. I think my dad has been the only one I’ve done this with. I loved him dearly, but it wasn’t an easy path (for many reasons). It’s very freeing to see through it all and find some peace for him, and for me. Thank you, Grace.

  4. I am glad you have found peace Freya. It is often the wisdom that comes with maturity that sorts out our thought process, clears our mind.
    Kind regards
    Anna :o]

  5. It takes a long time to see ourselves as we really are: the good and the not-so good. Way too easy to see ourselves reflected in the minds of others, especially those who, like our parents, keep us captive with their expectations.

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