i blamed it on you
all the less-important-than
all the i’m-not-good-enough-for
sometimes it’s easier than –
easier than – owning it myself.
No, being honest, not just sometimes.
always.
I stared balefully at you whilst you were lying there
almost-but-not-quite hating you from the depths of my F-d up love
for doing it again (again)
for leaving without so much as a goodbye
– this time
the one where there’s no turning back.
It wasn’t you though.
You didn’t put those thoughts in my head,
it was my internal compass seeking magnetic north
and finding south –
as per.
So, I own my thoughts now
they’re mine.
All mine.
You’re pretty much off the hook, as you should have been from the beginning.
I’m a bit late to the party of the final day of the dVerse 5th anniversary celebrations, but hopefully better late than never!
We have the joy of an interview with Anthony Desmond, get to read one of his great poems and are encouraged to write on the subject of a belief that we have realised is no longer true, or our feelings when pressured to change our minds. Quite a subject!
Here’s my offering, I hope you find it interesting. Catharsis is the order of the day at the moment.
Please do head on over to dVerse to read the interview with Anthony, read the poetry created by the talented dVerse bunch and… why not have a go yourself?
Freya Writes... 
Oh goodness..
the Love of give
and take.. the rule
of yes dear.. has always
worked for me.. smiles..
i even used
to let the
wife lightly
beat me..
thank
God
she’s
small..
she finally
got accustomed
to my ADHD and
no longer gives me
those love pats
to get
my
lala
land attention..
i was unconditionally
Loved big time as a child..
perhaps too much.. my wife
experienced the opposite yes..
but i realize the gift i have and
the gift she doesn’t.. so she gets
miles and miles of slack from me
’cause the world ain’t fair and Love
is always the best way in fearless way
for those with the capacity to do it.. but
so many valid reasons why folks can’t..
i try to understand.. tolerate.. and even
accept
the daRkest
holes of human
potential.. a gift
perhaps THEN..
for 66 months..
a temporary
trip to the same
place that i only
saw the outside
view for years
and years..
Love
is the
only
gift
of believe
worth living for
me.. so sad for
those who do not
have the nurture or
nature to feel or give
REAL HUMAN LOVE AS
THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL
that’s real and TOTALLY FREE TO
give and
share now..
i can say for
sure some folks
never experience
it and some folks
always experience
it like my mother..
what a gift
a mother
like that
can be..
but the years
can even take a
toil on the greatest of Love saints..
the neighborhood kids with salty
parents used to come visit..
just to see her smile..
and hear
her
loving
soprano
voice..
i suppose
that is why
i am a nurturer..
no matter how
rough and tough i look
on the outside of a heart that sings..
my mother’s wings.. have a great day.. freya..:)
Your mother sounds absolutely wonderful – and such a safe harbour to grow from. My dad didn’t have that gentle supportive start to life, so his absence more than presence was a result of that. It has taken me a long, long, long time to understand that and give him the slack. I am a nurturer too, sometimes to much, and then I reign it in drastically when I feel overworked by the giving.
Thank you as always for your comments, I love learning about you in such a poetic way. You are unique (of course)!
Oh wow.. didn’t realize the story was actually
about you and your Dad.. you seem like you
have it so together it’s hard to imagine you’ve
having any problems like that freya.. but truly
it is our challenges that make us who we are and
i think most everyone has a story to share and that is
what is the best about poetry.. as it deepens our cognitive
empathy for the human condition.. and ha!.. being on the
Autism Spectrum with a lifelong condition of reasonably
controlled bi-polar condition most of that life with no
drugs does make me unique my friend.. inherently..
i got the Asperger’s from my Dad
who was the spitting image
of what you write of
your Dad here..
and the EXTREMELY
happy side from my mother..
but she never really had the
periods of dark depression i
experience in life.. anyway..
today is the 19th anniversary
of the death of my only child and
to put the relationship of my father
and i in a ‘nut’ shell in the waiting room
of the open heart surgery procedure.. for
my child before he later died in my arms this
day 19 years ago.. my father said.. (and it was
pretty obvious our child who lived 51 days wasn’t
gonna make it from the get go.. medicine kept him
in suffering in pain for all those days) anyway.. my
father said.. “Make sure you raise him like a man”..
as my father a 46 year law enforcement veteran
left at three.. ’cause my mother didn’t wanna
go to work and wanted to be the
stay at home mom.. so i was
raised with all women..
and never got that
bow up spine as
they say
in the
‘red neck’
red state panhandle
of Florida where i live..
well.. i eventually developed
it when i learned to be my own
father.. and that seems to be a common
archetype of the so-called ‘super hero’ theme..
even in the movies… where the super masculine
male marries the super masculine female as in the
case of my father and mother.. and the boy is left
in the care of a distant land in a weaker place
than what he would be in a village that
had both masculine and feminine
influence for balance..
dark struggle
comes.. then..
and eventually
love lives with fearless
too.. and the once timid
Clark Kent.. Dr. Jekyll or
Bruce Wayne changes into
something else when they finally
escape the cocoon and are reborn
to come into their more full human potential…
i have to say that the Jungian archetypes
are valid.. and sure it seems i have
gone beyond them in some
ways.. hehe.. and that is
just my access to
all of cultures
through all
of history
to select
the parts i like
and make that
Fred culture.. haha..
anyway.. a link to “kiss your
baby goodbye”.. a tear jerker
‘they said’.. but it was just the
literal truth.. in my life.. reality
has been much more unique than
any movie.. i have ever seen.. and the
high part is amazing.. but oh my God.. the
dark parts.. were beyond scary.. beyond
Friday the 13th..
beyond
even
hell..
Heaven is great..
i kiss life my friend
all for free.. just ’cause
i can with all my might..
hehe.. hercules
of
soul..
i’LL be..
i
AM
just
as
i can..
and WiLL..
with fearless LOVE..:)
https://katiemiafrederick.com/2015/06/25/kiss-your-baby-goodbye/
I have it together… well, sometimes! I guess, through learning and accepting my own inconsistencies and frailties. Knowing them and accepting them can be a very different experience though!
I am so sorry that you lost your son, I can’t imagine how that must feel, as I have no children of my own. You have experienced so, so much and still seem to have such a drive to extract as much out of life as possible. Perhaps that’s why… in some ways, I know how that feels, but for entirely different reasons. Thank you x
Welcome
My friend..:)
Smiles. The one that should have been tossed back at first,but sounds like made their way back out to the pond. That does not sound like a bad turn at all. These times teach us though…perhaps to love better the next time…or learn to love ourselves enough not to get into these situation again
Agree with Brian. Hard lessons stick I think.
That projection is very much a blame game. It is easy to blame everyone except ourselves and admitting this, takes a lot of maturity and grace.
Thanks for joining us Freya and wishing you happy weekend. See you Monday (hopefully) for our Haibun Monday.
I think my dad has been the only one I’ve done this with. I loved him dearly, but it wasn’t an easy path (for many reasons). It’s very freeing to see through it all and find some peace for him, and for me. Thank you, Grace.
And I also agree with Brian. Great poem. I can’t do anything but repeat Brian’s comment.
i like this conflict, resolution and moving on…no more wavering or flickering of mind….cool…
It’s a good place to be – thank you.
I love the sense of resilience in this poem 🙂 Exquisite write ❤
Thank you!
I am glad you have found peace Freya. It is often the wisdom that comes with maturity that sorts out our thought process, clears our mind.
Kind regards
Anna :o]
It takes a long time to see ourselves as we really are: the good and the not-so good. Way too easy to see ourselves reflected in the minds of others, especially those who, like our parents, keep us captive with their expectations.
It does indeed take a long time!